The past three days, I noticed something about myself. Something I probably wouldn’t of, had I not been alone. I was alone because Rachel flew out of town to be with her mother for a few days. During this time, I noticed a huge difference in how a behave and think when I’m with myself. It’s as if I’ve been relying on Rachel to be happy. I didn’t go out of my way to cook a decent meal, dropped my personal hygiene standards and went into a pretty dark thinking pattern. Just really put myself down. This change I noticed, is what I believe to be why I cheated my new lifestyle.
I just kept questioning if I was satisfied with the path I’m currently on and being pretty negative about it. Thought to myself that this page is a waste of time and that I’m just hanging onto false hope. Just a lot of negative thinking.
Really, that’s all it is though. Negative thinking.
It’s not like I was somebody on the verge of homelessness with nowhere to turn. I still have what’s important, a great girlfriend, next to free living and nothing to complain about.
I think my problem is that I expect good results too fast. Looking for that instant gratification. This is and I can’t stress it enough, my biggest hurdle to overcome. It’s what causes me to act impulsively and sometimes aggressively towards myself if I don’t get what I’m expecting.
My approach to dealing with this will be some intense self-talking and realistic weekly goals. I won’t be the healthy person I want to be in a week, but I can set goals. The first goal may be to replace all liquid intake with water for the first week, just giving myself small challenges to accomplish.